I suffered from this for years. Comparisonitis, a hugely infectious disease likely to be be caught by anyone who ever doubts their own ability, wants to belong or who is creating content, value and ideas in the world. I compared myself to others so much that it stopped me feeling good enough. It kept me feeling stuck, lost and frustrated.
I wasn’t comparing to them for inspiration, I was comparing in a negative way. The mind demons were running riot again, “I’m not good enough,” “Why aren’t I doing that?” and “I’m such a failure.” The demons caused me to wan to stay safe and not go against the herd. When we compare ourselves to others so much so that to cripples our ability to make our own choices for US, it stops our own individuality from shining through. We get stuck.
Symptoms Of Comparisonitis
You’ll likely have endless thoughts that go round in your head when you suffer with this, such as:
- Why aren’t I doing that?
- Their life is so much better than mine
- I wish my relationship was like that
- I should be doing / have that
- Why don’t people like my content / posts as much as…..
Feelings such as:
Look at what we do to ourselves! We give ourselves that feeling as though someone’s punched us in our stomach! When really it’s an energy of ‘fuck, I’m not good enough.’ That’s what it does to you, it seeps into your body just from the thoughts you have. (More details of the mind’s real power in my other article here.)
Ask yourself… Is this actually what you really believe you should be doing? Are you comparing yourself to them in a positive way to take inspiration from them, or are you looking at them and comparing yourself because deep down you don’t feel you are enough or that you are doing enough?
What causes you to not feel good when you compare yourself to others?
- Is it hitting the truth for you about something you know you could & should be doing? Will you benefit from this thing you’ve seen in someone else and take inspiration from these people?
- Or is it just a way for you to bathe in self pity and negativity and woe is me attitude?
Next time you notice you are comparing yourself to others, it’s important you step back and be objective. The greatest clarity we have in life is when we observe our own thoughts and feelings…. “Why has this given me an uneasy feeling?”
When we fear rejection & failure, when we live in a world of lack instead of abundance is the breeding ground for comparisonitis. It limits our individuality, uniqueness and authenticity. It weakens creativity if you do it in a negative way.
The Highlight Reel
When we allow ourselves to feel unworthy it sinks into who we are and we end up believing it. BUT we have a choice every day in who we are to be, how we feel and how we respond to every situation. Unfortunately we live in a world where we communicate via social media and we can portray the life that we want everybody else to see. Basically you are comparing yourself to everybody else’s highlight reel.
The likelihood is that underneath all of that digital mask is a person who is probably struggling with their self belief. Low confidence, loneliness, frustration, overly stressed, overwhelmed with financial / emotional struggles. Most people don’t share they down days or their struggles and failures. They’re too preoccupied with telling you how amazing their life is! So in fact, the highlight reel you’re comparing yourself to isn’t a true picture.
This is why talking abut your struggles is REAL. It’s authentic, vulnerable and it’s what creates CONNECTION. Comparing to highlight reels, you will ALWAYS feel not goo enough and that what you do isn’t good enough.
When you compare yourself to somebody else’s life remember the motivational quote, happy face or perfect picture they have just shared might not actually be how they feel inside. Don’t jump to assumptions based on how you see other people live. Focus your energies on you and what makes you feel whole. Learn to accept yourself as you are. When you create that sense of wholeness, other people’s highlight reels don’t inflict any worthiness battles on yourself because there’s nowhere you are lacking.
Comparisonitis creates feelings of guilt, unworthiness and a reluctance to forgive yourself. Not to mention the frustration we feel by constantly stressing ourselves out over our supposed failures.
All you have to do is understand what the feeling is.
Feeling as though you’re not good enough? Look at why. What aren’t you doing? What could you do? How could you feel happier?What action could you take now? Belief in ourselves comes when we take action and is reinforced every time. Don’t push those feelings of inadequacy aside, face them head on!
The hard times are for your own benefit, those things that give you an uneasy feeling are there to help you grow.
Comparisonitis is a spell we cast on ourselves and stay in comfort zone of mediocrity. We are scared of failing, scared of rejection, scared of disappointing ourselves and other people. We have high expectations of ourselves that we don’t do the things that will make a difference in this world. The world needs love, it needs you to open your heart, step up and be a leader. Show the world that you can make a difference, that we can have relationships full of love, be clear in where we are going and make our bit of difference. WE CAN, YOU CAN. It all starts with us.
The next time you compare, honour yourself by not delving into that feeling. Remember your own greatness.
Peace & love